Updated: Dec 24, 2019
You know... I got caught up too.
Caught up in the idea of some passionate, unadulterated, ethereal, cosmic, pink, and puffery version of love. Believed the notion that another human being could and had to love me this way.
I wouldn’t settle for less.
By no means am I saying it doesn’t exist — because it does. However, not everyone gets it, nor do they desire it. Some folks crave a simple ass love. The basics. Respect me and I respect you and we do this life shit as a unit.
But for the rest of us who want all that jazz, fancy name romance keeps us delusional. The twin flames, soulmates, and other additives and preservatives of new-age love keep us trapped in a romance fetish. Although I believe soulmates exist (not so much twin flames) this shit is outta hand and if some of us already live in a fantasy world, fancy name romance only perpetuates the narrative.
Sure, we can have a spark. Yes, the sex can be galactic.
And the love between two souls can burn so deep the world feels it. All of this is possible and honestly, that’s how it should be. But each of these has a slippery slope, and it all begins with longevity.
Wanting this romance forever creates attachments. Though the passion burns bright, we ignore red flags and stay in hostile situations that leave us undone. Unraveled by the means of compartments and suppression, relationships become violent when they force us to accept behavior that breeds dysfunction and invisibility.
That fancy name romance tricks us into harboring the feels of sugar plum fae and encourages us to stay because the push and pull of relationship fuckery help us grow. Encourages our betterment and evolution into one soul cause we’ve been wandering this Earth has a half for lifetimes and these tumultuous occurrences are part of the process.
Fun fact: your soul hasn’t split in two only to transmute and ascend into another human. No matter how high you ascend, your soul is still YOUR soul in its wholeness before it entered your body and after it leaves.
Don’t you let these new-age folks have you out here with assless chaps.
And while I understand most people don’t and won’t resonate with the aforementioned, this new-age mess has the collective out here believing they’re incomplete and in desperate need of another human being to fill the missing piece.
Lie. No one can complete you. You're already whole.
What these new-age relationships describe are mirror images and we all experience it, though some may be more intense than others. Not every situation is alike — that’s a given. The dysfunction with this “piece-it-together-love” is whenever the relationship ends, cause that’s a thing, you’re back to square one — incomplete.
Makes no sense.
Why would anyone want the completeness of their soul to depend on another? Some folks call that codependency.
What I know for certain is we must let go of love looking, feeling, and sounding like a fairytale. It’s time recalibrate how we interact with love. Romance is a feeling and one we can attain on our own. It’s not reserved for some “knight in shining armor.” Most times, it’s your own kisses and self-love that pulls you out of a deep slumber.
And while all of it sounds lovely, many remain in harmful relationships so not to disrupt the fantasy but suga that’s what it is…
It’s ok that love and relationships are work because they are. It’s ok to not want all the frills society paints about love because it’s overrated. And it’s perfectly fine to relish in the simplicities love brings because it’s not complex at all.
I understand the spiritual aspects. How love transforms, rebirths, and evolves a soul. How it saves the spiritually dead and strengthens the weak. And yes, love really conquers all, but let’s allow love to do what she does, as opposed to creating these fantastical narratives reserved for books and movies.
We need those to function as they are.
But in real-time, let's honor love, by allowing her to live in her unbridled truth. She’s fluid, yet subjective. Big, yet small. Wide and still condensed. She shows herself in different forms for everyone, but clear on what she’s not.
Let’s stick to the facts about love and let her lead as her best self, so we can see our best selves in her.