Updated: Sep 6, 2020
Most people only discuss masturbation as relief from anxiety, but not blocked by it. And though masturbation is a resolve for much, sex, in itself, is psychological. It begins in the mind but if the mind and body are not in tune, any efforts to indulge in a solo sesh waltz right out the door.
If masturbation is the “cure-all” for anxiety, creative blocks, and making stupid heaux decisions, who wouldn’t be in the mood for a cure? But as anxiety alters the mood, so do traumatic events and when they’re lumped together, the thought of squirting via your favorite toy is far from your thoughts.
I know, I’ve been struggling with masturbation.
What helps the libido is feeling safe and secure within our body and our environment. Being in the midst of a global pandemic rattles that. With so much push to be productive and come out of this pandemic “transformed,” it’s important to know the time we carve out for self, doesn’t equate to time loss but rather time gained. It's important to give ourselves permission to stimulate our senses and reconnect. This helps us feel rejuvenated and is the aftereffect of masturbation we seek, not feeling as if we set ourselves back because we poured into ourselves.
Catering to our needs doesn’t mean we’re unempathetic to the needs of our friends and loved ones. In fact, it shows we care just as much because without us feeling whole, safe, and secure, we cannot properly reciprocate that energy to those who need it most.
A wise friend said to me: sip then pour, beloved.
So, if you’re not quite ready to rub one out, a simple way to reconnect with your body is sensual massage.
First, carve out some time and set the mood.
Be it day or night, block out time for you to connect with your senses. I believe when we make and see sex as sensory, we naturally make room for stimulation. Next, turn on some of your favorite sensual music (playlists welcome) and grab your favorite body butter or oil and massage the butter or oil into your skin but do so slowly.
Don’t rush the process.
Take your time and speak life into your skin.
Affirm that it is beautiful
smooth and supple
firm and delectable
that any lover would adore it
that YOU adore it
Affirm to yourself and your skin that you are safe to express yourself how you see fit and safe to express yourself without judgment. Continue to speak affirmatively upon your skin for as long as you like. Move intuitively here and allow your body to signal when you’re done and feels full and refreshed. Once done, lay back and allow yourself to be still. If your hands naturally begin to explore, let them.
Do this exercise as often as you need.
If you’re fancy and have crystals such as jade, garnet, rhodonite, moonstone, and/or red carnelian, create a grid around the four sides of you (front/north, back/south, left/west, right/east) before you begin the massage to draw the energy from the crystals and heightened the experience. Set your intentions to be grounded and heart-centered with each crystal then begin your ritual.
Yes, this is a self-love ritual.
Anxiety is real but it doesn’t have to keep your stuck. Create practices, such as this, to help you reconnect with pleasure and spark a good solo sesh without outside energy and devices to prompt you. Being able to do this is the beginning stages of sex magick, but we’ll tackle that another day.
Have other ways to help you reconnect your body and your sensuality?
Share your tips.